My Learning Fall and Rise

It all started on August 12th, what felt like just yesterday has already been four months. It was my first day of school of junior year and I was anxiously excited. I was told throughout all of summer that junior year would be the hardest year so I was low-key scared. Four months ago I would still describe myself as a motivated academic student but I was still naive of how much I was going to have to put in to this school year. I couldn't wait to see what my classes looked like, who was in it and just to see my friends again. I was already half-way through my day when I went to my 5th period AP English class. I walked in with excitement to see what the class was like but once I entered the room I immediately felt intimidated. With blank walls, no one I recognize right away, and the room set up like a lecture hall, I'll admit I was thrown off. Every class room I had gone to so far had it's own specific charm to it but this class gave me no clues what so ever about how the class actually was. I sat down next to some people I recognized and waited nervously for class to start. Then Mr. Preston entered the "stage" and I felt even more intimidated. At first it felt like a TedTalk even though I've never been to one so I don't know what it would be like, but that class is how I imagined one would be. Then you did the weirdest thing that has ever happened in an English class for me and told us that we would get to control how we would learn. No teacher ever asks their students that question, and I was a bit caught off guard since I didn't know how to react. So when you then left the room to let us decide, which was bit more unusual, I was really confused on which route I wanted to take. I've never been good at making decisions since I'm extremely indecisive so when "two roads diverged in the woods..." (Frost, Road Not Taken) I was scared of what which road I should take. The logical side of my brain was telling me to choose the old textbook path because it's all I've ever known and I know I'm good at working with it but the other curious side of me was wondering what it would be like to try this new style of learning. My class decided to vote and overwhelmingly we chose to take the path of open source learning "and that has made all the difference" (Frost, Road Not Taken).  So as we began our journey with open source learning I was right away faced with a challenge, blog posts. What seemed like a fairly simple task before became my arch nemesis, as I struggled to keep with regularly updating my blog. One of my first initial hiccups was when I had to recite a poem from memory called, Richard Cory. I remember one in particular when it said "Clean favored, and imperially slim" I struggled with the most since it was almost like a tongue twister to me and I kept saying "clear flavored" instead. However my favorite blog post and journal topic was definitely my first welcoming post and the journal topic about who I would like to have dinner with, dead or alive. These were my favorite pieces to write because they really triggered my brain on how to think. No English class asks you those questions so we never put any time towards it but it was a nice way to challenge/intrigue my brain into wanting to write my best but also catch my interests in the class. With all my other AP classes and everything else in between I wondered if I was going to be able to keep up but nonetheless I found a way to persevere. However as everything started to build up not just in my English class but in my other classes I hit a point in my educational career where it all got too much. It was the week of my interview and I was stressed. Not only did I have my English interview to prepare for but I also had a press conference to prepare for in my AP US History class, chapter tests in my math class, physics homework I struggled with and was a bit behind on, and dance practices I was missing continuously for my academics. However this was only just academic commitments but I also am a part of other outside clubs/organizations that also brought me stress. For one organization we have been pulling together our first very own event created by myself and my peers, but in order to do so we needed money so that week I also had to go out to different store here in SM to talk to their managers and ask for donations which is something I had never done before. I am also in an other organization called Full STEAM Ahead where myself and my co-facilitator have been planning a project to host a one day event for 6th graders. For this we also need to ask for money so we applied for a grant through the Youth Making Change organization and we had an interview scheduled for the following week that we also had to prepare for as well. So with my efforts being pulled everywhere which I was constantly tired and stressed on how I was going to accomplish everything I wanted to do while also making sure I do my best in every assignment I had. There was really no strategy I found that helped me survived I just made sure to take everything day by day in order to keep myself calm. So when it came to the night before my interview I made time to rehearse my thoughts for questions in front of a mirror in order prepare the best I could for in the interview. Just like everything else in life time passes and I survived that toughly scheduled week but I didn't do it alone so I think one thing I took away from that week was also the importance of friends and family who can be your support system to help you keep going in whatever direction I wanted to head. Now as I write this the person I am today was totally different from the person I was a semester ago who walked into this class having no idea what was in store for her. Now I can confidently say that I'm passionate about what I do because everything in my life is important to me and no matter how stressful it can get I know I will always find my way through. Like Charles Bukowski once said in the Laughing Heart "Your life is your life don't let it be clubbed into dank submission". The main lesson I took away from this semester, that this class helped me learn especially, is that no one (or system) can truly control the way we are supposed to be and that we ourselves are in control of our future and that can make all the difference sometimes.